Thank You Brene Brown.

​​Once upon a time, we were in an undesirable situation where our mind and/ or body installed a sensor to help us indicate future encounters much like the original. Along with that sensor, came a protocol or natural response if ever placed in, what may appear to be, an identical situation. Although this may sound like it works within our best interest that may not always be the case. Have you ever been in a relationship, friendship, or job where something happened that triggered an insecurity? Did you question yourself about why you may be feeling this way or did you allow your insecurities to get the best of you and made a rash decision that possibly put your relationship, friendship, or job in jeopardy or maybe even ended it completely? What if after the rash decision we found out that our assumptions or the story we told ourselves about the situation wasn’t even true? What if due to past experiences, we allowed a negative presumption to lead us in the wrong direction?

There comes a time in our lives when we’re mandated to examine our feelings regarding certain situations or people. In this examination, it is important to understand that any negative feelings that arise have less to do with that person and more to do with the insecurities inside of us that are activated by trigger words or actions that we experience by being around other people.
 
In a Super Soul Sunday podcast Oprah shared of her speaking with Breneé Brown, Brown asked “what do you call a story that has limited factual data points that you fill in with your ideas and beliefs?” The answer to this was a conspiracy.
 
Now, in my experience, it’s rarely been possible to completely retire an insecurity. Due to the fact that many of those insecurities have been residing in us for years that backtrack to some of our earliest memories, they usually have a way of re-entering the work force when they feel like they’re being called upon.
 
So, how do we deal with some of the oldest but most timorous parts of us? How do we know if the stories we are telling ourselves are true or confabulations (“lies told honestly”)?

​1. Well, we don’t ignore these stories. In fact, WE PAY THEM RECOGNITION. When we feel them re-entering the workforce, we examine if any part of it is true and if not, we say, “There may have been a moment in time when I actually needed you, but your work here is done.”

​2. We dig deeper into the cause. Some of us may not even be entirely sure where these insecurities have rooted from and just like any plant that is cut down without its roots being pulled out, if it’s still being nourished, it will eventually grow back.

​3. (This may be the hardest one yet). We share them. We talk to the person(s) whom this insecurity arises around and figure out how to eliminate the trigger of it. Now, depending on the depth of the relationship or situation, they may or may not be willing to meet your request. That’s okay. You can’t force people to change their energy or the way they distribute it, but you can change the way you receive that energy or even choose whether or not to receive it at all.

​A huge part of growing up is learning numerous ways to mature as a person and this is just one of them. By using this method of thinking, we are not only potentially saving many of our relationships, friendships, and jobs, but we’re saving ourselves from many years of repeating the same self-destructive behavior that feeds and grows our insecurities. So next time you overhear yourself telling a story that isn’t necessarily true, remember that you are the person creating it and therefore you have full narrative control.